Saturday, August 1, 2009

knocking was in vain

There was once a student who asked his teacher, “how can you be so impervious to your surroundings, do you feel no emotions, does no hurt ever touch you, does nothing cause pain to you, how can you be so inanimate?” The teacher replied;
Just as the rain drops tap on the windows so also all that happens around me knocks on my soul, gently at first trying to find its way in, but on finding there is no door, defeated, all emotions rage around me, showing their inadequacy and helplessness, the more their angst in not being allowed entry, the more my resolve to remove myself from them. I would like to take all the anguish and pain in my arms and hold it gently and soothe it, I would like to make it believe that it can cause me no pain beyond that which I have already known - within me ; that it can never take me to a darker hell than where I have been - in my mind. I have relived my sins over and over again until I could recognise them as human follies and absolve myself of them. I have felt pain in every pore of my soul, excruciating and addictive till I have learnt to discard the raiment of anguish and walk away free. The world may think I am heartless and selfish for I feel no oneness with that which surrounds me but I have learnt that my existence means nothing to anyone but me and so I choose to be like an island in the ocean of the happenings and the crowd of that which surrounds me. If I appear inanimate, it is because I have found a world inside me, which is far more beautiful than that which I have ceased to be mired in. I seek no other soul to sanctify my existence and if that be termed as indifference, it matters not to me. I feel emotions, just as all of God’s creations do, but my emotions have no outward expression for there is no need for that. I feel and that is enough. I do not have the desire to exhibit the extent of my feelings. I am impervious to my surroundings because I have sought and found “freedom”. And I can let my soul soar high and free to a place where all this; your questions, the doubts of the world, the stigma of being uncaring , the expectations of reactions or responses – all of it fades away and I can be a silent spectator to the journey of my unfettered soul on the path of life…..

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