journey's end...

The Weary traveler turned to his guide and said, “You have been with me every step of the way; through all the labyrinthine mazes that that I got lost in, you have brought me on my path again . In the darkest hours of my journey, you have been like a beacon beckoning me onwards and every time my steps faltered and I was on the verge of abandoning my quest you have held my hand and supported me till I found my bearings again…But now I can go on no longer, for I am tired and weary beyond retrieval. I am fatigued by this search for an evanescent place and time when in reality with every step I take the mirage grows distant evermore. And for what purpose must this search continue, when at the end of all our journeys, there lies but one destination. We will all find our resting place in the arms of death. So I wish to cease my relentless struggle now. I want to rest my tired feet and my tortured soul and be in the here and now. I want to be one with all of nature’s elements. I want to feel the soft welcoming ground enveloping me in its warmth, that I may find rest. I want to feel the breeze blow away the sweat of my toils so that I may be refreshed again. I want to feel the glow of the sun which may wipe out the darkness from my soul…I know I may have let you down for you have been a true mentor and guide, helping and showing me the right path but I do not have the will to go on anymore, I surrender. And so I seek your forgiveness for abandoning my quest before the destination.
The guide took the traveler’s hands in his own and said, “It is true that I have been with you in your search for your destination but did I ever tell you where it lay? This, here and now, your realization that this entire struggle was in vain; this is your destination. It was my Endeavour to guide you till you reached this point. I sought to give you the mental fortitude and the physical strength that you would be able to recognize this moment. I will now take leave of you for you need guidance no more. Yu have found your destiny. For each person life is but a series of motions leading to stillness, all that we seek lies within us and all other pursuits are but chasing mirages. And yet how many of us are able to reach the crossroad where we are able to see that life is but an inward journey. You are blessed because you have found your place in the sun and peace shall be yours evermore”

knocking was in vain

There was once a student who asked his teacher, “how can you be so impervious to your surroundings, do you feel no emotions, does no hurt ever touch you, does nothing cause pain to you, how can you be so inanimate?” The teacher replied;
Just as the rain drops tap on the windows so also all that happens around me knocks on my soul, gently at first trying to find its way in, but on finding there is no door, defeated, all emotions rage around me, showing their inadequacy and helplessness, the more their angst in not being allowed entry, the more my resolve to remove myself from them. I would like to take all the anguish and pain in my arms and hold it gently and soothe it, I would like to make it believe that it can cause me no pain beyond that which I have already known - within me ; that it can never take me to a darker hell than where I have been - in my mind. I have relived my sins over and over again until I could recognise them as human follies and absolve myself of them. I have felt pain in every pore of my soul, excruciating and addictive till I have learnt to discard the raiment of anguish and walk away free. The world may think I am heartless and selfish for I feel no oneness with that which surrounds me but I have learnt that my existence means nothing to anyone but me and so I choose to be like an island in the ocean of the happenings and the crowd of that which surrounds me. If I appear inanimate, it is because I have found a world inside me, which is far more beautiful than that which I have ceased to be mired in. I seek no other soul to sanctify my existence and if that be termed as indifference, it matters not to me. I feel emotions, just as all of God’s creations do, but my emotions have no outward expression for there is no need for that. I feel and that is enough. I do not have the desire to exhibit the extent of my feelings. I am impervious to my surroundings because I have sought and found “freedom”. And I can let my soul soar high and free to a place where all this; your questions, the doubts of the world, the stigma of being uncaring , the expectations of reactions or responses – all of it fades away and I can be a silent spectator to the journey of my unfettered soul on the path of life…..

On seeking silence...

There are roadblocks in life but every time you are hit by one, you are taken aback by its magnitude and your helplessness in the act of its removal. Reactions to such situations differ, while some may fret and vent their anger I choose to withdraw…in a way, to retreat into myself and maybe negate its existence. These can be moments for us to introspect, for nothing in this cosmos happens/ exists without a cause. So I would like to know what or how I was responsible in bringing it upon myself. But most times this freedom is not allowed. For, there are relationships and the consequent trappings in the form of questions, responsibilities, explanations. etc. So to seek an escape into oneself also becomes an onerous task, one which does not find sanction in the eyes of another. Living a life by the rule of not seeking sanctions is not possible when one is in a relationship because even tough you may not seek it , the judgements will be bestowed on you nevertheless. Actions will always be placed on a scale and measured as right or wrong. And if you choose not to sit judgement, to let others be, then you would be guilty of either indifference or bias in favour of or against one or the other.
What is my reality; that which the world sees or that which lies deep within me, hidden from the world and often unacknowledged even to myself? The world reacts from their perception of my reality and I choose not to respond or retaliate because I realize that I was not cast in the same mould as most others in the domain. So does one have to be right and the other wrong; can’t the two actions co-exist. If I do not seek to sit judgement on their misconceived perception of me why must I be condemned over and over again?
In each of our souls lies the hope that there would be one, somewhere, who would be as you, and that you would be destined to meet and travel with that person, on your journey without being told which direction was right or wrong. But that hope for understanding is mostly unanswered in full measure…so all I desire now is numbness. I seek no words of approval and those of recrimination touch me only upto a certain point. Beyond that I only yearn for silence, to lay all thought to rest and endeavour to be, just ‘Be’ and in that process of being to find a way around these roadblocks, without frisson or friction, sans emotion or expression; Is it too much to ask for?