Monday, September 29, 2008
one would think that a watershed moment would come with some kind of a signal, that there would be some indication that life was about to take a turn...but it kind of creeps upon you and then its suddenly standing before you and you cannot ignore it. There needn't be an earth shattering event which reaches you to it too..Maybe tomorrow it wont seem to matter so much but today i suddenly decided that im through with being nice and considerate and thoughtful and empathetic..not because i find it burdensome because if what you get in return is not the same , at least upto a certain degree then at some point of time you can do nothing but shrug.. and i guess i reached my shrugging stage today. I dont want to be understanding anymore, i want to rave and rant and vent my feelings as and when i feel them. why should i think about the impact it might have on another person. Does the other person think of that, is that a primary or even ancillary concern for them. If yes, then i would not have reached this place. You cannot keep trying to ignore or understand. I dont want to be matured anymore. its just this one life i have and there is no point bottling up my reactions as though i could defer their expression to another spacetime. And i dont really want to express them at all, just to stop giving so completely..so as of now i choose to retreat, not into a shell but to a place where i give only filtered emotions and filtered thoughts.. the rest is mine to keep or trash but i dont want to share it with anyone.