spinning dreams..

I walk the beach,

Weaving designs in the sand,
The sea comes riding in
And dancing, takes my footprints away…

I walk the valleys,
Soaking fragrances in my soul,
But the seasons change and
All the colours, scents fade away….

I walk the mountains,
Trap the wind close to my heart,
But with a gentle whisper,
It slowly seeps and flies away…

I fly the skies,
Gathering cotton clouds in my arms,
But the sun sends its marshals,
And my treasure is hauled away….

I walk in the rain,

Collecting pearls in my eyes,
But ruthless life sends pain,
And one by one they trickle away….

I walk in the sunshine,

Wreaths of rainbows in my hair,
But the stoic night  marches in,
And stealthily blows them all away…

So I dwell in the land of dreams
Building castles out of sand,
Etching footprints on slippery land,
The sea stands, a sentry aloof
The clouds paint pictures on my roof
Fragrance seeps in every nook & recess
Night, a soft downy curtain lace,
Raindrops, like pearls on windows
Sunlight makes lamps of rainbows
If so ethereal be the world of make believe
Then why be there a desire to leave
Let me rest in my fool’s paradise
Away from reality’s prying eyes….

Slay that dragon

There is a phenomenon happening in the minds of new India, both young and old and for want of better terminology, it could be called a "Commitment Issue". Extended a little further, when one looks around and sees relationships (including live-in arrangements and marriages, both recent and of several years' duration) falling apart like a house of cards, one could gather that there are also several "Issues with Commitment" which seem to be the wind blowing away at the bedrock of relationships.

Why then this miasma attached to the word "Commitment"? An oft used quote is , "Man is a social animal". If that be the case, social interactions and the accoutrements that accompany them should come instinctively to us, whatever be the state of our evolution or status. All our childhood days we are nurtured by a family and familial bonding do entail commitments and yet the moment we reach adulthood, capable of making our own choices, this is the one choice that most people today find easiest to abrogate ? We offer our commitment readily to various other recipients whether it be parents, siblings, friends, colleagues et al. The problem (except for specific instances where it may stem from history) then lies  in the word as seen in the context of a non-platonic association.

The reason would not be obscure to ascertain , if one were to step back and look at the 'typical' examples of relationships of this nature around us.  At the start you would see two individuals who are capable of functioning effectively but independently, dealing with life's designs in their own unique manner, taking onus for their own acts, celebrating or ruing the outcomes of their choices/actions. Put cupid into plan and you have these very individual souls yearning for companionship (much more intense than comradeship) and the seed of a "relationship" or "emotional trapeze act" is sown.

After the initial euphoria of discovering and exploring the unknown (as is inherent to almost every reasonably intelligent human mind) wears off, one sees a paradigm shift happening : Independence often has to be sacrificed at the altar of Indulgence to another. There would be nothing catastrophic about it  if it did not require a complete metamorphosis of one's priorities, desires, preferences and so on; fine tuning vs changing the tune altogether.

A relationship would require atleast two persons and rightfully this should mean sharing - happiness or worries thereby adding or reducing the sum. But what we actually shrug is our own burdens; the onus suddenly  shifts to another person to be there when needed,  to take over in all times of crises and to even think on one's behalf (And heaven help if the outcome of that thought process is undesirable!). How does a relationship transform a person from a distinct entity to a vacuous amoeba like formless being, needed to take the shape and form as per another's whims ( a little extreme, I agree but the picture pans out such).

This negation of individualism to the so called wholeness of a twosome could be the root cause of the issue. The culprits, of course, may vary in turn from lack of compatibility to non-fulfilment of expectations, different thought processes, adjustment concerns etc. But the essence lies in recognising that the real dragon to be slain lies within. One has to have the courage to admire the man in the mirror and be prepared to walk the path of a lone ranger within oneself, respecting that another may also have the same desire and that boundary need never be transgressed.

Meeting of soul mates can happen without the merging of two individual personas into one, because when such fusion takes place a little abnegation takes place in each of the two. If I have within me a halo of love for 'myself' let me nurture that and respect it in another too so that the accompaniment of someone on my journey will not be an intrusion or invasion but will enlarge that circle to engulf one more; Two stars that twinkle with their own individual light without fear of blowing or fading out the irridiscence of the other.....

marasim..

ज़िन्दगी दो हिस्सों में बटी हुई सी है

दिन और रात के बीच कटी हुई सी है
कहते हैं मरासिम जिन्हें दुनिया वाले
सराब ही हैं बस दिल बहलाने वाले

कुछ अधूरे रिश्ते सुबह की आड़ में जागते हैं
घरों से मुखौटों के पैराहन ले निकलते हैं
एक नकली दुनिया के शहज़ादे बन फिरते हैं
रात को अपनी हकीकत में सिमट सो जाते हैं

कुछ और अधूरे रिश्ते  रात के अंधेरों में भटकते हैं
जुगनू हैं पर खुद को फलक पर चमकते तारे कहते  हैं
नींदों  के भूले ख्वाबों  से खानाबदोश होते हैं
सहर होने पर हकीकत से मुह चुरा छुप जाते हैं

इनके इस फरेब में हमने पड़ना छोड़ दिया है
अधूरेपन से  पूरा होने का अरमान कब किया है
इन सारी गिरर्हों को एक उम्र पहले खोल दिया है
रिश्तों के कारोबार से खुद को आज़ाद किया है

 

ijazat..

वो कारवां था, गुज़र ही गया है

वो मुसाफिर था, कहाँ ठहरा है

हम ही राहों में कुछ ऐसे अटके हैं

जैसे सदियों से रूहें यूँ ही भटके हैं

अब ना वफ़ा की हमको गुज़ारिश है

सावन नहीं, ये बमौसम की बारिश है

अब्र तो फितरत से होते आवारा हैं

इनको कब एक ही मुकाम गवारा हैं

ज़िन्दगी तू बस इतनी इजाज़त दे

अब इस दिल को ना कोई हसरत दे

उनको मुबारक रंगीन मेंह्फिलें हैं

हमारे बस यही बेमंज़िल काफिले हैं

sauda

चलो आज एक ऐसा भी सौदा करते हैं

अपना हर्ज़, तुम्हारा फायदा करते हैं

जाते हुए मुसाफिर को जैसा नेमत देते हैं

तुम्हारी सारी अमानतें तुम्हे लौटा देते हैं

वो उस रात की पहली बात जो अफसाना बन गयी

वो उस सुबह की मुलाक़ात जो पहचान बन गयी

वो हर रोज़ का  पल जो इंतज़ार का शहीद था

वो कुर्बत का एहसास जो हमेशा वहीद था

कुछ अनकहे वादे जो पेशानी की लकीर से थे

कुछ खामोश मंज़र जो राह के फकीर से थे

मेरी वो अधूरी ग़ज़लें जो वक़्त से उधार में थीं

मिटती हुई लकीरें जो नसीब के इंतज़ार में थीं

मजबूरियां जो हाथ मलती हुई मिट गयीं

तनहाइयाँ जो तुम्हारी राह देखती रह गयीं

वो सोच के दायरे जिन्हें तुम पार कर न सके

वो ख्वाब हमारे, जिन्हें हम क़त्ल कर न सके

 इनसे दामन भर लो, ये सब अब तुम्हारे हैं

हमको तूफ़ान मंज़ूर, तुम्हारे सब किनारे हैं

बस तिजारत में इस अधूरे फ़साने को अंजाम दे जाओ

और इस दिल में जलती शमा को स्याह-इ-तमाम दे जाओ

nazm..

जाने क्यूँ भटकती सी रहती है

मेरे लफ़्ज़ों में अटकती सी रहती है

कभी बंद दरवाज़ों से टकराती है

हवाओं में बेजान सी लहराती है

कुछ हर्फ़ समेट के ले आती है

फिर खुद ही बिखर जाती है

वक़्त की गर्द हटाकर झांकती है

फिर सारी तस्वीरें खुद मिटाती है

रात सिरहाने के नीचे ख्वाब ढूँढती है

सुबह उन्हें कहीं छुपा आती है

यूँ तो मेरे करीब ही रहती है

पर अजनबी सी अक्सर मिलती है

उसकी बेरुखी  कुछ  शिकायत करती है

 जाने किसकी बेवफाई याद दिलाती है

 मेरी सिर्फ  वो एक नज़्म ही तो है

फिर  क्यूँ खुदी से अज़म हो जाती है

?

For those of you who read my blogpost titled "Lost for Words", I have a sad ending to the story. I was able to get the lady customer, I spoke about, speak to her son, which her daughter (the one who used to beat her up) wouldn't allow her to do. And to my great relief she left to be with her son who is settled abroad.

The daughter, who was also a customer of the branch, was seen at times therafter, when she would come to withdraw money. A pretty looking girl, delicate of structure and very soft spoken ; one would think she suffered from a split personality syndrome, if one were to know the extent of her cruelty. I almost felt sorry for her at times, knowing that the victim of a mental disorder cannot be blamed as a culprit of wrongs done in fits of insanity. But I had been witness to the helplessness of a frail old lady and the pain wrought upon her by the merciless, mindless acts of this person and could never forget that on seeing her.

And then yesterday when I read the morning newspaper, I was aghast. This very girl had moved in with one of her relatives, an old lady who was a retired school teacher, who was known for the kindness of her heart and the generosity of her spirit. On finding this girl, alone and bereft, not mentally stable too, she took her into her home and nurtured her like a daughter, after her own mother had left India.

And then two days back, in a fit of insane rage, this poor woman was butchered to death, with a knife, by this girl, who later admitted to her crime. The shock of seeing her picture in the newspaper was accompanied by a silent prayer for the poor kind soul who had given her a home and also a thought that the poor old lady who had left before it was too late, was safe and sound. My heart was filled with pity for the girl though, who maybe did not even realise what madness drove her to do. I wondered how her mother would react to to the news and i was overwhelmed with sadness for this lady who would have to suffer all over again, knowing that her child was found guilty of such a heinous crime.

In office today then, I was surprised to see the old lady enter the branch, all full of good cheer. While earlier she would always seek me out for any assistance, today she avoided meeting me and went to another staff member and cheerfully said that her birthday was coming up and her daughter wanted to gift her some money and she had come to find out the balance in her daughter's account. Since I had already forewarned the concerned staff member of any such possibility, she was not told the balance  though she tried to approach several other people and had to eventually leave.

Today,  I have again realised that the motivations of human minds are sometimes beyond comprehension. I do not seek to proclaim this as right or wrong but will simply classify it as incomprehensible, perhaps there is a bigger picture somewhere but right now the pettiness of people's actions and thoughts clouds it and I am just numbed, again...