the script..

I was talking to someone recently who plans to write screenplays/scripts for hollywood. He gave me some interesting information; that in any good Hollywood movie the twist in the plot, so to say, happens at around the 27th minute. He said  it wont happen at the 17th minute or after the the 30th and you can actually time it to happen around the 27th minute. He also said that every story has a beginning and a climax at the end, its the middle which lags and people who are learning how to write professionally are really trained to handle that middle.

This set me thinking.. isn't that somewhat true of most of our lives too. We have a beginning and the 'twist in the tail' which sets the pattern for the future narration happens around the 27th year, give or take some and then we have the ending, as pre-ordained, settling down into the susnset years and then fading away into another life or land, maybe...the sequel waiting to be written. Its 'the middle which lags' that holds true for the story of our lives that rings out clearly; hence the term 'mid-life crisis'.

Most people who live truly happy (aka successful by my definition) lives are the ones who have trained themselves to handle the middle well. Sadly though, there is no school for training us in this, life itself being the classroom. And if one can learn to handle the 'fall years' with grace and enthusiasm, it will be a story well lived, one which can be narrated or remembered posthumously, with a sense of joy and nostalgia..with a desire to be part of the sequel too.

a time to fly..

In the last few days my life has suddenly assumed a new aura, a warm glow that fills my heart with peace even at the most turbulent times. This blog then, is symbolic of the new pattern that emerges. My child, who has achieved what she has been striving for, for the past two years, is responsible for the glow that envelops me. While I was taking her through the preparations for her interview, there was a moment of insight for me as well. Her spontaneous answer to the question, “who is your role model and why” was," my mother, because she has taught me that one must live by one’s convictions and have the courage and belief to know that you will reach your destination in life, wherever it may be, if you can stand up for what you believe in and never lose faith”… A mouthful of words in a voluble gush (just like the wordsy person she is) but it set me thinking. I should have felt pride but the only feeling that I had was of an intense desire to shield her and hold her in my arms, for a moment I even thought that I should tell her to reconsider her response but it was so straight from her heart that I couldn’t. But I wish I could tell her that its not an easy path to tread..there is a lot of loneliness and at times heartbreak too. And one has to constantly draw from one’s soul to find the courage to walk alone, if there is no fellow traveller, it can be emotionally draining and there are times when you wish you could take the easy way out. However, I do know this – if my child has chosen to walk a certain path she will emerge a winner because even at this young age she has the courage to dream (and im an eternal dreamer too) and the fortitude to make those dreams a reality. She is ready to test her wings and a silent prayer (which is always in my heart for her) will be the wind beneath her wings and she will fly, free and spirited. If I could be even a small part of her flight to happiness, I feel blessed, not proud…

closure...not compromise

Two travellers on a road together look at the distant horizon, see a storm gathering, the sky takes on a sombre menacing view. One of them, the wiser one (?) chooses to change his path and avoid a confrontation with the storm and correct his course later, when the storm has passed. He asks his companion to do the same. But the other opts to continue on his chosen path, undaunted by the gathering clouds...I know which of the two travellers I would choose to be and yet there is this question, is it foolhardy to go on in the face of danger, to ignore the looming threat? Most people would say that it would be false bravado rather than bravery. It would be wiser and saner to take retreat until the danger passes you by. I cannot abide by that, however. I think it would make me that much more hardy, having weathered the worst of times, my steps would be steadier and surer, in the face of the next calamity that strikes me and i would find within me the courage to withstand rather than the instinct to withdraw. This perhaps is the reason why I cannot abide by people who seek refuges or shelters, who would rather be stifled in the cocoon than sacrifice their comfort zone. It is also a yardstick by which i measure the degree of acceptance that i can accord, in my personal space, to a person. For those who do not have the conviction to stick to their chosen course, I am no one to sit judgement but i do have the choice that they be not more than faces in the milieu, not co-travellers on the journey of my life. For people who I might have held dear and valued but can do no more, this is all i have to say, you chose what was right by you and i will stand up to my convictions, please do not seek a compromise in either and undermine the essence of our individual lives....

The warmth of winter...

Its my favourite time of the year again. Its time to air the woollies, to remember the smell of moth balls and the cuddly feel of sweaters and shawls waiting to wrap you up in their comforting embrace; somehow it seems as nostalgic as a homecoming.

No other season requires such active participation both in preparation and farewell, it is truly the most majestic of all turns of time, annually. The year tolls its bells to herald that it must go and be replaced by another incumbent soon.

Those of us who need to update our ledger of events cherish this reminder, accompanied as it is, with the irresistible aromas of the wispy mist, crackling nutmegs, crumbly cakes, ambrosiaic coffee et al.

The year gone by has been one of intense trauma, fears, pains, anguish and seemingly endless darkness. At times it seemed as if there would be no letting up. But there is no bitter after taste at all.

All that remains now is the cherished realization that I never thought I had so much patience (having a mind addled with a hundred thoughts at any point of time) or that I would find within such a reservoir of fortitude to face the travails.And Surprisingly, instead of feeling cheated I actually feel enriched.

The year that was will be a watershed in my life. But I will never wish it undone because it helped me to meet not only me (with a pointer to the direction my life must take in the future) but also gave me some of my most emotional and proudest moments…

… Moments when I felt that if I could evoke even half the love that was showered on me (and some of it from most unexpected quarters) each day of every season of my life was well lived and worth it all.

So let the cool winds blow, I’m cocooned forever in the warmth of my life and the lifelines of love that keep me going…

To nurture...

I once planted a rose bush, in a pot, which my daughter had gifted to me (she knows I have a weakness for yellow roses) and my husband (he is the one with ‘green fingers’) helped me in the potting. I dug up the earth in the pot while he carefully placed the tiny sapling in it, covered it with the mud till it was standing safe and erect and then we sprinkled some water on it and kept it away from the direct Sun so that it may find its bearings before being sent out to woo visitors in the garden.

Both of us would then take turns at tending to the tender creature, placing it in the shade when it tended to droop or watering it and adding fertilizer till it grew into a verdant robust foliage. Our pride and effort in nurturing it was equal and without slack. Even now, when it is a fully grown plant we still tend to it so that it continues to flower and be healthy.

But imagine a scenario when either one of us felt that “it is enough to know that I planted it and I will derive my happiness from the fact that it exists (for as long as it does), my job of creation is done and I have nothing more to contribute.”

Would the poor sapling then survive for long, for is it not natural that something which started as a joint effort of ours, if left to be the sole responsibility of one, would take its toll on the toil and joy of the other?

We have been told, by sages down the years, that nurturing a relationship is like tending to a plant in our garden and requires continuing effort in order that it may grow and flourish. And yet, is this not what most of us are doing wrong? We seek a relationship, form one or are gifted one and then somewhere along the way we stop nurturing it. It just is. And therein sets the decay…

Why can’t we see that truly meaningful and happy relationships around us are the ones where the effort continues unabated, in however small a measure, on an everyday basis. People who make them work ‘water’ the lifebreath of their relationship everyday and tending to it is a part of their way of living. It is easy to envy but are we willing to emulate…?

between the heart and mind...

I once took my little child to the seaside. It was an exhilirating experience to stand on the shores and watch the glee on her face as the waves rushed in and tickled her chubby legs with feathers of sand. It also gave me a memory which i recalled just now...
On seeing the continuing dance of the waves she asked me "Do they never rest? Why are they always in motion? Why do they do that, when they know they have no choice but to go back and merge with the ocean?"
Her innocent questions set me thinking. And i thought that at times the movement of the waves seems like a fight for freedom from the embrace of the ocean.They appear to strain to rise higher with a single minded purpose, only to be defeated and lie still in merger with the vastness of the seas. At other times it appears to be like a joyful dance, a celebration of the union, with the ever embracing waters which engulf them and keep them safe.
This brings to my mind the constant source of conflict of most human beings; the war between the heart and the mind. Haven't we all, in our daily lives, felt the need to resolve this conflict? the only difference in the nature of human beings lies in, which is the waves and which the ocean...
In my case, I know that the heart always rules and the mind may makes its attempts to rule or disobey, to break free of the 'bondages' of the heart but it always end s up as a joyous dance of surrender to the embrace of the heart, which is vast, deep and eternal...
But each one of us has to define this paradigm and only then will the conflict be resolved and peace be ours.

it was never yours...

Don Quixote tilted at windmills and traipsed along on his adventures. The world, as it existed in the fictional character's life, laughed and mocked at him. But his character is, by far, one of the most endearing, comic, misguided souls who comes to the mind of this dreamer. But what if this wandering lost soul was removed from the fictional milieu and placed in the realm of reality? He would surely lose his sense of bravado and go into hiding or wear the armour not just on his body but on his soul too..

It is a human instinct to crave for that which one does not possess, not so much maybe in material terms as in character traits. So if you happen to chance upon a soul unbound, a truly free spirit, you instinctively strive to be like that. This could be because, perhaps, this is the one trait which is most difficult to acquire/keep, being mired in the pseudo norms of relationships and bonds.

You may lack the courage to break free from the shackles that bind you but what's to stop you from attaining that elusive trait vicariously. And this is where the unguarded "on my own trip to nowhere" somebody is easy prey.

You latch on to such a person and convince her that in your heart you are as much a lover of freedom, a co-traveller in the seeker's journey and knowing the innate desire in every human being to seek a kindred soul, you feed that desire and lull her into letting her defences down (For isn't fierce freedom a veneer for an inner alone self..).

But if you do not have the strength of spirit or the courage of conviction to go the full mile, have you wondered what you do? You walk away unscathed, having invested but a fraction of your miopic self, back to the trappings which you will forever resent but be snared in nevertheless (which was your 'destiny' maybe) but you leave in your wake a confused, somewhat defeated, if not, embittered soul.

This is the moment of pathos in, an otherwise content life because such a person was never meant to experience these negative emotions. You have, in some measure, embroiled that person in the misfortune of your 'karma'. You have abraded, eroded a soul... And in retrospect there are two questions : a) Why

b) Are you liberated now?